re: Four beautiful words ....

NEVER. ENDING. PASTA. BOWL!

re: HOTTIE AIR

Dear Michelle,

You know we love you. We can live without your daily blogging about what's going on in the world and your daily HOT AIR rants are not to be missed.

But I have to be honest with you, Michelle, if want to keep those download numbers up, it's probably best not to get guest hosts who are hotter than you to fill in while you're on vacation.


Cause when you're back and they're gone, every red-blooded American conservative male (and perhaps a few liberal ones, too) is going to follow.

re: I hate to say I told you so ...

Dear Jerry, So, was I right or was I right? After tonight, Leon will have missed 14 straight days at training camp (that's 28 straight two-a-day practices) and, at the end of tonight, two games preseason. He claims it's because of an ailing hamstring. But that hasn't stopped him from pretending he's Lance Armstrong for all the cameras, nor going out for touch football style passes in his skivvies.

Even when he was practicing, what I saw was half speed jaunts down the field and a few easy catches. At least with Keyshawn, you knew he cruised in practice, but he showed up to play. You could rely on #19. But #81? Nothing that would tell me anything different like, oh, I don't know, that he came to play or something.

And it seems that you' are finally waking up to the fact that Leon is all about the spotlight, and less about hard work and team. Will Leon start practicing at 75-80% like you suggested lately? I doubt it, Jerry. And it seems, with the Cowboys breaking camp and saying goodbye to Oxnard, that the only organization that has benefitted from Leon's "presence" in training camp are the Oxnard Police Department Explorer Scouts who charged a sawbuck to every car coming to get a look see.

So that means you're well on your way through the process that will culminate with Leon blaming everyone else but himself. And then, of course, will come the sequel to the last tell-all book.

I suggest you trade him for a few cases of Bud and get it over with.

re: Most. Clueless. Post. Ever

Dear Pete. I read with rapt fascination your comments on the story that the Army is considering making a military theme park at Fort Belvior, Va. (I linked it, I know you're too busy to trouble with such frivolities). I walked away truly baffled. I guess we have different dictionaries with which to define the words we use when we write. Mine is written by Miriam Webster. You may have heard of him. Webster's defines "disgusting" as:

to provoke to loathing, repugnance, or aversion : be offensive to

Now, that may perfectly define some's opinion of military, but it by no means defines the professional military tradition of our defenses forces. In fact, the values instilled in young men and women in the military are precisely the values that families struggle to teach their kids every day.

Values like duty, honor, respect, sacrifice, courage, professionalism, mercy, integrity.

And as such, these family values should be celebrated, and even used as family entertainment. Americans should learn what it's like to be a military soldier. Understand the culture, the life they live, the sacrifices they are not only called upon to make but volunteer to do so.
And there's nothing wrong with understanding the equipment they use.

I do have some ideas of my own to add to the military theme park. In addition to learning what it's like to drive a tank or fire a B17 waist gun, perhaps the Army could add an exhibit where visitors and guests could walk down a mock airline terminal while theme park employees spit on them and call them "baby killers." Other guests would be encouraged to join in!

Then, perhaps guest can look out that same Walter Reed Hospital window facade to see people like you protesting them for their service to this great country.

Then they could roll those wheelchairs down the hospital corridors reading posted letters from the children of left leaning teachers accusing them of war crimes and with words of encouragement like "I hate you" and "only a few of you will come home alive."

Guests could then wander the streets of Baghdad wondering why some of the very Americans who claim to "support the troops" are doing everything in their power to give the enemy hope and courage to kill as many of them as they can in the hopes of cutting and running. Guests could also imagine what life was like in Baghdad under the previous management - being whisked away in the middle of the night, tossed in rape rooms and wood chippers while their family is forced to watch.

They could also discover a mock mass grave filled with Iraqi civilians who simply disappeared in the middle of the night, and have their children spend several days in a prison so they can know what it's like to experience a childhood as a prisoner because their parents dared to speak out against Saddaam Hussein.

Finally, guests could sit in a theater and see campaign commercial which shows flag draped coffins as a desparate attempt to curry political gain.

You are right, Pete, the possibilities are endless in learning what's like to be a soldier in America.

(by guest memoman, and evil 49ers fan - Ari Mistral)

re: watching your p's & q's

Dear Leon: I sat there and read my RSS feed of The Dallas Morning News sports section last Sunday. You’re were all smiles, so happy to be at the Cowboys training camp. Maybe it’s that the heat wave has left Oxnard and it’s on its way to Philadelphia. That may be what is making you happy, I don’t know. Did you get your waivers, and your playoff provisions? Good. Maybe you’re happy because the Cowboys gave you a nice, fat, bling-laden contract. I didn’t realize that the ‘Boys needed a new wide receiver. Then again, I only follow what is happening with Coach Parcells and Drew Bledsoe when it comes to that team. James is the silver-and-blue fan around here.

Speaking of Parcells and Bledsoe, I do have some tips for you as you get all back in shape for the coming NFL season.

1. Please respect Bill Parcells. Based on my distant observations, he does not take kindly to very much back-talk. Now I’m no football player, but I’ve seen what he did with the Jets, Giants and Patriots. So far, Tuna is not succeeding in turning around the Dallas Cowboys. Maybe that’s why you’re on board. Remember to work with Parcells, not against him.

2. Please respect Drew Bledsoe. See above, except change “Jets, Giants and Patriots” to “Bills, Cowboys and Patriots.” Well, ok, he didn’t turn the Bills around. Who’d you expect, Jim Kelly?

3. When you go back to Philadelphia this season, and you’re on the sidelines, keep your helmet on. I hear that Philly fans put rocks in their snowballs (or is that snowballs in their rocks?). Well, whatever it is, they throw hard things at people they don’t like, such as you and Santa Claus.

4. The Dallas sports press is as merciless as Philadelphia’s, so I hear. Tread lightly.

5. Leon, I don’t like you. Wait, let me rephrase that…I don’t like you at all. Enough already with the sweet-talk; I’ve heard it before. I forgot to mention that I am a San Francisco 49ers fan. I saw how you laid waste to the morale of that team, you whiny cry-baby. You dissed Steve Young like you did Donovan McNabb and how you will diss Bledsoe. Young is in the Hall of Fame now, you jerk, no thanks to you! You don’t get your way and then you whine and bad-mouth your teammates and coach. That’s why the ‘Niners dumped you and sent you packing for Baltimore. For some strange reason, they didn’t want you, so the Eagles took you. You helped leave behind a demoralized team.

6. Which reminds me: my fiancée doesn’t like you at all, either. I forgot to mention that she is a Philadelphia Eagles fan through and through. You dissed Donovan McNabb (and probably his mama) like you did Steve Young and how you will diss Bledsoe (and how you will diss The Tuna once you don’t get your way with him). They don’t like you in Philly (oh, I already covered that), and the fans there have a longer collective memory than those in San Francisco. I know that by firsthand experience. My Beloved still talks about that Santa Claus incident. Oh, thanks for helping to screw up the Iggles’ record last season.

I’m surprised the Raiders didn’t pick you up; you would fit right in there.


Well, I guess the Cowboys are a good fit, too. My friend James may be looking forward to seeing you play for Dallas, but he will soon be aware that Leon comes with a price that can’t be measured by dollar signs and zeros. As sure as the sun comes up every morning, the morale will drop at Valley Ranch, thanks to you. If you can’t be a team player, just take up golf. Consider it a favor to us NFL fans.

For the record, James wasn't thrilled by signing Leon and said so here.